I Am

Posted: February 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

..

 

(Preface)

You guys probably think I’m nutz. Hell.. So do I.

This blog is a combination of real, poetic, symbolic, parallels, feelings,

and perceptions that I have had during my life.

Not all lines pertain to myself.

The things that are real do include others, often times.

Not just 1 or 3 or 20 people.

Not just recently.

All* throughout my life.

Spread across a wide surface of time and place.

So I woke up one day in a quirky mood and wrote a bunch of crazy thoughts.

It wasn’t meant to be dark…

Really.

I could go on and on and probably even-out the positive and negative things.. lol.

But I might end up making it so long that you never want to visit again…

hahahahaha (and you know I could 😉

How bout rather,

we look at the issue of how, a lot of these dynamics I am about to address,

come into play, in all of us?

Surely, for example,

you have felt at some point in life,

that you had something important to add, but were unable to be heard.

Or maybe you have felt just like a number.

Ever felt like you weren’t taken seriously?

Irrefutably, some of you have put these things to pen.

Usually, yours are more upbeat, lol.

Thank each one of you for your contributions

to expanding my kaleidoscope of views.

All you poets and writers expand my mind and I love you for it.

 

Oh… p.s. Idk ‘bout you, but I like that last line best.

 

Please don’t run away.We’re just getting started:

 

“I Am”

..

I am the thought that flashes,

as you close your eyes for the last, at night

I am the thought forgotten

I am the smile that leaves your lips

I am the song that begins,

just as you change the channel

I am the reminder that you continue to forward

I am the given clue

I am wholehearted yet, ripped asunder

I am the melody, drowned out by clanging cymbals

I am the falling leaf that softly brushes your face

I am weeping as the pen flows dark and deep

I am born to die. happy birthday!

I am everything and nothing

I am silent,

though my thoughts are heard across the heavens

I am a breath; held too long

I am the one that no psychologist could ever understand, fully

I am the solution; washed away

I am to give all and take none

I am to hope, though constantly denied

I am to push until I am broken

I am a king and a fool

I am losing my life; for you

I am that which you will not take hold of

I am not a lamb

I am a pawn, in this game, gone so awry

I am not what you see and feel

I am more

I am too far gone, for any to pull me back

I am unable to prosper; seeing your fate

I am guilty of everything under the sun; in my mind

I am tired of seeing the future; chin deep in blood and pain

I am the homeless man,

who notices your tear as you drive by unaware

I am the one who spoke too soon; becoming a target

I am quite familiar with futility;

seems we’re bestest of friends

I am not sure, anymore, what is real

I am no respecter of men, though the golden rule reigns

I am learning more than I would have wished

I am the one resolved to help you all;

though you may hear me splinter under the strain

I am the thorn; never growing large enough

to become more than a temporal itch to you

I am the one who was arrogant enough to put God to the test

I am the one who leaped; only to fall & be broken,

in a brilliant white light, sinking far below the surface,

in the dark depths, of cold, murky water

I am timeless yet, in a moment by, in the blink of an eye

I am accused of heresy and treason, though I speak truth

I am more rebellious than you can imagine

I am tables overturned in a rage

I am at once, both perpetrator and victim

I am the watcher on the wall;

ignored by those I am elected to protect

I am the silent prayer; screamed inside

I am waiting for you. Perhaps, in vain?

I am writing to you; afraid that nothing I say,

will ever make a difference

I am drowning in a world of evil & deception

that wants me and my resolve to break

I am he who went forward for prayer; but the pastor said

I had too many questions, so he passed by

I am the seeker; trying not to be misled

I am the account that is overdrawn; fees compounding

I am the vote for “another”; long since, cast aside

I am telling you over and over again

I am a teardrop…. under a pestilent sun

I am soon to be an echo of the past.

Can you hear me whispering in eternity?

I am but a word in the endless pages of time

I am on the tip of your tongue; but the subject gets changed

I am therefore irrelevant and obsolete in your discussion

I am the footprint; washed away by the tide

I am the ticket to the show; scalped again and again

I am helpless to move the rock, though I continue to push

I am the missed call; your music, playing so loud

I am dying, though I only wish to live

I am only one who closed my eyes to 99,

scouring the earth for one

I am the one who ignores all warnings;

rushing to where angels fear to tread

I am ill-prepared when opportunity knocks

I am the crack in your liberty bell;

your freedom, a short-lived illusion

I am telling you now, so you will have no excuse;

come the day

I am pacing circles; searching for the right angle

I am the idiot that laughs in the face of danger

I am amazed at your skills, put to task, though…

I am afraid your pay will be ’30 pieces of silver’

I am willing to snatch you still, from the fire.

Just look in my eyes and take my hand

I am the one who wishes he could “brb”

I am looking at the clock; it’s 2 minutes to ..midnight..

I am culmination filled with disillusionment

I am the steel; shattered on the rock of contention

I am a flame; too soon, extinguished

I am hopeless without divine.

no test tube cures, for this terminal ill

I am only as real as you take me to heart and hold fast

I am covered by dust on the shelf

I am incomplete; without you… Here, by my side

I am losing ground; despite all my lines in the sand

I am your sigh; as the coin drops against your bet

I am picked apart by scavengers;

men/demons with dark wings, who seduce women;

luring them with smooth and flattering speech

I am ravaged on all sides;

whilst a soft, distant voice whispers encouragement true

I am both, in favor of and against the phrase

“Kill em all & let God sort em out”

I am a tiny boat, smashed on the rocks;

never reaching safe harbor

I am a dream forgotten. A vision once shared

I am the crack in the window you peer out of,

at your world, so far out of control

I am a gentle suggestion; unheeded

I am a stumbling block that now, you must contend with

I am only a test. If this had been a real emergency……….

I am the odds you wouldn’t bet on

I am the mole hill that aspired to become a mountain.

but for erosion, nothing could take root and flourish

I am a parched land, under the feet of those

who have no time for rain, in their outdoor fun

I am a sacrifice in vain, for those who will not hear

I am to you, 1 step, too far into fantasy

I am covered by them that prefer hiding in shadows

I am the subject of a great many laughs.

at who’s expense, really? (Those who laugh?)

I am unable to step aside and leave the path I am on

I am constantly wrestling angels for answers,

though, they effortlessly and repeatedly dash me to the ground

I am a fading reflection,

as the surface is broken in a splash of horse’s hoof, chasing

I am victorious nonetheless, through surrender,

though flashy*, I may not be

 

I am you, on any given day

I am pleading to you.

Pray to whichever god you choose, that…

I am not your last chance

Because….

I am now, out of paper………

 

(the end)

 

(addendum):

_________________________________________________

 

Just so you may not think me completely given to futility;

I have added some positive to the mix.

_________________________________________________

 

I am experiencing love in so many ways

I am sure that it’s the “greatest of all things”

I am aware of my mortality and find peace knowing, whose I am

I am grateful, indeed, for people like you, who care deeply for me

I am trying to make both* my fathers, who art in heaven, proud

I am blessed, most truly, with the best-hearted mothers; 2

I am gifted with children that have hearts of lions

I am sure they will not perish, for lack of knowledge

I am hopeful, to the end, in the logic of the Cross

I am understanding more each day, in its meaning, in my own life

I am amazed at friends who remember things so long ago, as my mind hiccups, lol

I am someone who realizes it takes but a small flame to light the way in the dark

I am attempting to dispel some darkness, myself. Or haven’t you noticed…..

I am hoping that these + things will help, after reading so many – things, ^ there

I am also a smile, though I come and go, lol

I am going to try to laugh to the bitter end. ok?

I am rotf, lmao at the line I just typed, then cut. I can’t say that, hahaha

I am wishing that somehow, some way, you will all see the real me inside, someday

I am not so dark inside, infact;

I am carrying something brilliant, deep inside, that I found along the way.

I am going to tell you a mystery. Buried in a (Volcano)

 

I am digging so long.. at first there were only flecks

I am speaking metaphorically AND literally

I am afraid they are too small and will get washed away.

I am then stunned at what I see

I am peering through muck, straw and rusty old steel, once proud and shiny

I am pleased to see some of what they call “shine”, buried under. and as

I am swirling the soup, it reappears briefly. In a moment by

I am reminded of my dad saying something about distinguishing sh*t from shinola

I am laughing, though I am beginning to feel some tightness in my lower back

I am still to this day, nervous of shaking too hard; the contents of the pan, unsure

I am dipping into the water; washing away the things that are not heavy enough to stay

I am smelling the pine scent on the warm breeze still; feeling the moment around me

I am occasionally gifted on my trips to the river*; finding much more than shine

I am someone who has carried nuggets away.

I am no stranger to “gold fever”, though its not the “cashing in” that I enjoy

I am talking about the hours of digging just for the few moments when

I am down to the bottom of the pan.

I am looking at dark, black sand. A small beach with golden treasures basking under

The sun’s rays, through the branches and leaves above

I am thinking how… It’s like the wonderful people I know, standing in a dark world

I am feeling such a thrill, seeing these parallels. And even though…

I am now feeling much pain from the digging

I am in no wise sorry, that I have made this trip, to the *river, once again

I am going to sit down under a willow now, with my love, to reflect for awhile…

 

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