Dave… Why do you sound so mad and hateful?

Posted: February 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

Really? I do?

(My shoulders slump)

You know, I remember when this started….
I had a soft heart that was newly tenderized by facts that hit me upside the head.
I had heard a song that encompassed every human emotion,
and suffice it to say; I was deeply moved.
The tune was beautiful beyond compare, with crescendos, diminuendos and a coda to spare.
There were crashes of cymbal on one hand and soothing waves of woodwind on the other.
The percussion drove my pulse; hammering it on, amidst the shrieking of the brass,
The horn section heralded each new act with both excitement and yes; even apprehension.
With each wave of the conductor’s perfectly-timed hand, the band responded, as did my heart.
I fell in love with the harmony and felt every ounce of dissonance that fought against it.
The song was alive. It ebbed and flowed with living color.
The blues of sky and steel. The tans of skin and sand.
The greens of olive tree and Mediterranean sea.
The Roman cloak of crimson red… every drop of innocent blood, shed.
I remember how the song did end. With a new beginning, no less.

Have you ever heard a chord that encompassed the very essence, of one of those mornings….?
You know.. After a night of wicked storms..When all things seem to be new.
A fresh, cool breeze after the hottest, stifling day?
Like you’ve been torn apart and ripped asunder,
only to wake up and find it all a dream…
Suddenly, hope is born and you feel like there is something worth living for…
even if you have to die to get it.

That’s how it started..
I walked out of that music hall feeling wonderful, happy and humming the tune quietly.
It was a tune I thought I’d never forget.
Funny, how this world gets louder and louder……and it gets harder and harder to hear yourself.
Progressively, as I was less able to hear the tune, I was forced to raise my voice more and more.
Eventually, people began asking me why I was screaming…
It was then that I realized that it wasn’t just noise around me that was causing me to yell.
It was as if a strange chaotic orchestra of static was assembled -to silence the song.
As I looked at myself in the proverbial “mirror”, I saw a strange transformation taking place.
The once, happy-go-lucky kid that seemed so care-free, had become weathered and hardened.
This small-scoped and naive, innocent lamb of a child, had been born in a burning field.
And though, underneath the singed and blackened wool, he was still a lamb,
he had been forced to deal with an external world, on fire…
He had learned that, in a dog-eat-dog world, to survive and gain any ground,
you must roar as a lion, or be completely drowned out by the heckling monkeys.
Much to the chagrin of those who love me, I found inside myself, a lack of timidity.
Next to it, was an inherent amount of reckless abandon.

With each attempt by the madness, nay- I should say, the “darkness” around us,
which tries to silence all hope, and lead people astray, like sheep to the slaughter,
I had somewhere, somehow, decided to NOT go quietly into the night.
I had enough care for those around me, to consider my own life meaningless,
if I were to not share the song; and go quietly,
keeping my little treasure hidden, but to a few,
behind the imagined security of my own front door.

This is how the war began.
This is my postponement of celebration.
This is why I’m not generally singing you a hymn.
This world is drowning in mediocrity and self-delusion.
The wolves are attacking and leaving no safe ground.
I’m trying to help you realize why.
I understand that I sound insane.
I realize now, that I am too loud to stand near to you.
Please forgive my lack of consideration.
I did not mean to cause you pain.
I’m only angry because you are being lied to, by those you trust, and-
I just can’t get through to you….

but still, I must try….I must.
Though it costs me everything.


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